I keep checking on my blog to see if I have anything to say and to see if anything I have said has prompted anyone else to say something. I check in on my Facebook page, I look at my analytics page and then I go back to work. I have had little to say this week but it's not because nothing is happening it's just because what I have to say is best left unsaid. The things that I cannot say have been eating up my insides like a cancer. On top of these things that are heavy and unsaid was a constant nausea from the flu I am getting over. Topping the nausea was a persitent headache and on top of that like the whipping creme of despair there was a hearty dollup of fear. It's like a suitcase I carry around with me, I long to leave it in a station somewhere where maybe some other traveler might mistake it for their own and carry it off but somehow I never lose it. It sticks to me covered in labels from the various places this malaise springs up. I keep it closed, I dont need to look in and see what is there, it watches me, silent as my clothes.
I learned a new word this week. Optimalism. It's a combination of optimism and realism. This week I was a little too stuck on realism, I have high hopes optimism will return as I get back to walking and maybe the sun will come out for us this weekend. That would be nice. I could use a little nice.
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