Feeling a little challenged this evening, hormones I suspect and other factors. I fell asleep earlier on the couch and awoke to Mark calling my name from his office downstairs only I did not answer him. I was in that in between state of what feels to me like death and consciousness and I could not speak. He called again for me and Eddy answered as he was sitting in the room with me. I could not tell in that instant if I was dead or alive. This is a new sensation I have been experiencing upon waking and I am trying to understand why its happening.
In the past I have suffered from what can only be described as night terrors. I wake from a deep sleep in a mad panic feeling like I am being attacked. I yell and kick and occasionally have propelled myself out of my bed onto the floor. One night I had been soaking my feet before bed and had left the pan of water at my bedside, in my terror I managed to slip out of bed into the water, soaking my quilt and upsetting some framed pictures leaning against the wall eventually cutting myself. It was a real show. The anxiety that I work so hard to control during my waking hours comes out to play in force at night. This generally happens when I am alone but occasionally Mark is there to witness it and he calms me down.
I haven't had the terrors in awhile and I am normally a good sleeper but this sensation of being unsure about whether I am dead or alive is alarming to say the least. I heard a story recently on NPR (the main source of all my info) about the physicist, Hugh Everett who developed the theory of parallel worlds. I wonder if this is what I am experiencing in that nanosecond between sleep and waking, another world that I am in but am not fully conscious of. Quantum quandry to say the least.
1 comment:
I love reading your stories as your words are living with color, sound, smell, and excitement.
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