Domestic Bliss

I suffer from chronic laziness, borne of apathy and depression. When I have the idea that I want to bake, or should bake to fulfill my role as mother provider, nurturer, it takes me days to get down to it. I baked cookies yesterday, finally, and made us a good simple dinner. Roast potatoes, goat cheese salad, and scrambled eggs for Pearl. I sliced apples and put them on the table on a plate with some of the cookies. While I am cooking and generally dominating my kitchen I experience a sense of wellbeing and happiness. My low level ever present depression lifts and I feel hopeful. Riding that wave of happiness, I managed to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen before collapsing into bed at 10.

From Oct 10, 2007

wrote this in my idea book:

Nice day between rain showers, rode the bike to get the mail, in my clogs-bad idea. Tucked my pant leg into my brown cotton sock so as not to get my—custom-made in India—jeans stuck in my chain. The road was moist and I have no mud guards on the bike so I rode along the high center of the road where the gravel accumulates.

Blahg

It's safe to say that I have the grays these days. No blogging today as I have nothing to say.

Rug

Was thinking about my mother today, as I often do. During her brief time here on earth she was a weaver. I have several of her rugs around my place. There is one in front of the press, I step back and forth on it as I roll the cylinder up and back. There is another by the back door, I step onto it coming in and going out of the house. The third is at the foot of my bed. They act as an ever present reminder of her. Her hands touched all the fibers, and I feel somehow that her energy is intense in these pieces, warp over weft. I've let a fourth rug get a bit gross. One of the dogs must have laid on it for a time and it got put away, but not carefully, in the damp shed. I hung it out this summer on the far end of the clothesline and there it has stayed. Do I need to point out that it is now November.

I feel a bit guilty about it but I know rationally she has no idea I am leaving the rug out and potentially ruining it. But still it feels like a waste, all that creative energy caught up in the fibers, just floating out into space.

Good news everywhere

Was thinking the grief work was done but here it is 2.5 months later and it has manifested itself into my lungs and sinuses. What's a girl to do beyond eating a ton of wasabe and coughing my guts out. The pain in my face has disappeared and that is a good thing. I digress. I got home yesterday to find a note from tenants letting me know that they had left for Massachusetts early. I went to say hello to the pet-sitter they worked out an arrangement with. She presented herself to me as a body healer on a vision quest, fresh from Sedona, Az. Giddy-up I say. This could be good. I could get her to work this grief thing out for good. It's always interesting when these opportunities arise, as if from nowhere.

N came to dinner the other night and she mentioned that she was going to lease the field again and focus on about 8 crops, raspberries being the biggest. I thought why don't we farm it together, with Cat and Lo, and N told me that she had been thinking about a women's cooperative farm. I talked to Cat later and she was totally in. Next we need to figure out how to make another bread oven. Nan also said she would consider some meat crops, maybe turkeys.

Is all very interesting how things fall together. I am looking forward to some healing and plans for the garden in spring.

Friday

So cliche, but thank god it's friday. I really look forward to weekends in a deep soulful way.

So it's friday. I am in Abbottsford. We, have had dinner. We, are the extended family. This is my life here, a semi junior member of the extended family. This is Mark and Eddy's house in suburbia, only 12 short miles and an international border away from my own house.

Eddy is in good form lately. He is in a period of high denial of his physical reality which results in a great mood and heightened curiosity.

We are watching Fantastic Four, Rise of the silver surfer. Totally forgot I had seen the orginal until I saw the Thing... it will be an action packed 90minutes of my life.

Day 2

Actually it's day three. I got caught up with how my Blog looks, sadly I have no time to dig around and figure it out.

I saw a dead beaver on Monday while taking Pearl to school. It rained a lot on Sunday night and there is a place on the Sorenson Rd where the water encroaches on the road. The beaver must have swum out there and then been hit by a car. On my way home I slowed down to get a good look at it's tail. It really does have a criss cross pattern on it and is extremely thick.

Later on in the morning I went out again to FTP some files at LG's place with my sister and the beaver was gone. Not just drug off the road by some passing motorist but completely gone. I can only assume someone is right now stuffing it for their collection of taxidermied beasts. I would have grabbed it had it not been so large. I bet it outweighed Pearl.

It got sunny this afternoon but I was on the couch, still doing my grief work. Am almost done with it about 2.5 months. Thank god.

Had a great dinner with N. we talked about a womens coop farm. I like the idea and will discuss it with Cat and Lo. The thing is that there is a farm there to work instead of here where there is only lawn. Will discuss it with the gals.

First Blog Entry

Here I am writing my first blog entry. So exciting. I feel suddenly with it.

So now what? Which aspect of my daily experience should I write about? My work, my place, my extended family, my kid. It's endless.

I choose my place.

Today we made some headway on the carport. Even though it was Monday and I should have been in my office, the lure of Mark out banging nails was too strong and not much got done indoors today. Oh well. I constantly remind myself that the place is an investment and must be maintained and upgraded. This work is valid too, it's just that when I do come in to find phone messages and emails form clients I feel the twinge of guilt. As I stated earlier, oh well.

I hope Catriona made it home safely with her share of the pork, and is not being interrogated by customs while the pork thaws out in her co-op car.