Hiatus

Self Portrait July 2012

 

The thing is to not make excuses. Perhaps the thing is to turn off the TV and the computer and sit and listen. I do this sometimes and then I check FB on my phone and it feels so ludicrous but still I do it, like reaching for a drink when you know damn well you've had enough, or another cookie or a chip. I imagine myself, my self, in wrestling tights leaping at my best intentions, performing impressive efficient take downs of ideas and schemes and I rise and turn on the TV and obliterate my motivation to do anything. Then one day I stop thinking about the painting class and what She told me and I make one and I feel good but my busy mind gets ahead of me and asks why and what for and I don't have those answers. I don't have any answers and I wonder if I just want to lie down, close up and not compete with the rest of the burgeoning human race, human mess. I wish I could just stop wrestling and make and do without thought. Empty my mind completely, how peaceful that would be.

On second thought

I had a whole shoe rant going but with all this sun it's hard to be committed to whiny negativity. I'll get some shoes for spring, somehow. They'll be black not rust or pea green but I will survive. Instead I want to say something about Facebook. I turned off all notifications to my email and Blackberry because I was getting a little obsessed, so now when I check in after a few hours away from FaceCrack it's like opening a little present, seeing peoples likes and comments feels good. So there, back to work all of you.