Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Fall Update

I've been working on a piece for the blog about writing, only it seems like it's about smoking and I am not quite able to make the connection between paragraphs make any sense. I want to write more but am afraid what I might come out with. Like all those dreams where I am considering climbing into a deep dark place that I am not sure I will emerge from. Dabbling with words is mere folly but to really pull up what is inside one's self takes much greater time and focus. I guess I have the time, after all I am writing this. I could make the time. I make time for other things, walking, cooking, sewing, knitting. But the focus part feels like I might be stepping perilously off the edge of something. I am not sure why I assign a negative emotion to this, I could be stepping into soft wool or jello. Stepping off an edge does not have to imply there are rocks below. And maybe I will be changed, am I not already changed after 2 years of blogging. I think I am. It's just that my voice is still so small and I want to it to get louder, or deeper, or more succinct. The weird thing about the writing voice is that it's hard to hear for yourself, you just have to keep writing the words down and soon enough patterns and themes may develop. It's in the letting go of expectation when things really begin to develop. The trick is finding the space to let yourselff slip deeply into those dark soft places and hope you can emerge when you need to without much difficulty.

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