Reanimation

I think it is important to note that my mother believed in reincarnation. I think it is also fair to say that the loss of my mother has been one of the most profound experiences of my life. I have a hard time with the notion of her being completely gone because I feel her presence so strongly. She is somewhere watching over me. I wake in the night and smell her pancakes, I feel her above me, somewhere in the clouds. It's a corny cartoony image but it's true.

So this Peacock showed up a few months ago and he continues to be a part of the scene here at Rowanville. He has become a real fixture. He spends a lot of time with the chickens as I have stopped feeding him catfood by the front door of my house as was my habit. He now just eats what the hens eat and he is getting fattter. Tastier looking. The most interesting thing about him is that when I go to work in my office he leaves his place with the hens and take up his post on the back deck of my office. I have glass doors so he can see in and I can see him and he just stays there the whole time I am working. He preens, he looks in, he hops about.

I was listening to some New Age show on NPR recently and the topic of reincarnation came up. I don't know much about it except the obvious generalities of the concept. It has been weighing on me why this bird, the living embodiment of beautiful exoticism has arrived on my doorstep and seems strangely committed to keeping an eye on me. The fact that I am also in a state of deep transformation cannot be discounted. So, at the risk of sounding like a complete kook it has occurred to me that this bird may somehow be my mother, returned to earth to inspire me. There, I said it. I have had the honor of having other spirit guides in my life and while one doesn't generally rush into discussing these things in all circles it is worth taking note of them and then seeing where it all goes.

My mother was an artist and I think she accepted that I was one too. Up until very recently I had trouble owning this reality about myself. The Peacock, whoever he is, is a daily reminder of the possibility of what I could be or am.