Sleepy

Sometimes it takes all day just to wake up. Sometimes I even have to sleep a little after I have walked and gulped down my lunch because my blood sugar got low and never hit the switch that sends the hunger message to my brain. I shuffle around feeling stoned and fuzzy and slightly tippy until I lay down and fall like a stone into sleep. When I get up I feel better and I go back to work and I think how sometimes it takes all day to wake up and then just when I feel truly alert and ready to face the day it's already time for bed.

Sleep Disorder

So it turns out that my habit of falling asleep at the the drop of hat and then waking up screaming, sometimes kicking and in a panic that death has a stranglehold on me is an actual thing. It's a sleep disorder with a long name that I've already forgotten. I slept better last night with this info so there will be no pill taking for me. With my personal history I do not need another thing to potentially make a habit of. So there, sleep well if you can. It's hit or miss for me, sometimes the night is friendly sometimes it's an asshole.

They're Back

It started again Friday night. I woke screaming and flailing, scaring the hell out of my sweet husband. It's not even a dream that does it, it's more like a sudden awareness that I am about to be attacked. What is this energy that plays in my brain at night? I used to love going to sleep but these days I am becoming more reluctant about falling into bed. I laid down for a nap on Saturday and was visited by that uneasy feeling of death brushing past me on the couch where I lay. I have been so calm lately, feeling good and yet when I lay down and go to sleep all the anxiety seems to seep out. Will think more about this and get back to you. Right now I have 4 decades of a timeline to finish in the book I am designing on the NW Washington Fair. We had a great pre-production meeting yesterday and I feel like we are in good hands with the printer but it wasn't enough to buy me a good nights sleep. My bed was a mess when I woke up today, twisted sheets and blankets, pillows strewn, ample physical evidence of my elusive terrors at play.