Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
In my dream life my letterpress caught fire. I saw the smoke and immediately turned it off the press, I stuck my head in underneath the feeder board and could see the source of the flame was the little open oil reservoir. The flame licked up against the timpin and I thought about all the flammable things within it's reach. I raced out of the studio running full speed across the yard to the house where I keep my fire extinguisher, I tried to call ahead to Mark but I could not speak. I grabbed the extinguisher and turned back to the studio imagining how I would spray the white fire smothering chemical onto the press so as not to harm it. I woke up, chest heaving from the dream running.
The message of the dream; I can put out the fire. So bring it on.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
As I lay on the portable gurney staring at the ceiling the attendant asks me in a routine way, what's new. I search my now blank mind. It's 4 in the afternoon, I am hungrier than I should be. What is new? Nothing. My days seem indistinguishable and I can't say if this is good or bad. Nicky, who is prepping me to donate recognizes this too, how little things change in the two month span between blood drives. Life goes on fairly unchanged. Pearl is with me, waiting on the other side of the room, away from the needles and bags of blood. I tell Nicky when you have a child, predictability is the goal and change is not really sought except quietly to yourself.
I lose track of time as the pint drains out of me. It doesn't feel like anything, I won't miss it, I focus on breathing deeply in order not to feel anxious. I am not afraid of the needles or the bags of blood but I always feel vaguely ill at ease in the process, the scrutiny of my stats, will I be allowed to donate. I was turned away the first time I went, unbeknown to me I had a low fever. I had stepped into a wasps nest the day before and my ankles were badly stung, I was undeterred and went back the next time and have been going every two months ever since. When it's over I am instructed to take a moment and get up slowly and go to the table where another volunteer has a little display of cans of juice and cookies. She is saving the pull tabs from the cans for a friend who needs dialysis. Each pull tab is worth one minute on the machine. I choose Cranberry juice and a chocolate chip cookie, Pearl has Apple juice and a Molasses cookie. We sit there while I try to gauge how I am feeling.
As we leave the volunteers thank me, genuinely for coming. I am blood type O-negative which means everyone can use my blood. This makes me a useful commodity to them and they are grateful which makes me feel good because it's no sweat off my back to do this good deed. When I had given a gallon they gave me a little metal stick pin. Last time I went the blood supply was very low and they gave me a little gold key stick pin to acknowledge my part in donating my universally useful blood on that day. I was on the fence about going yesterday as I am up to my eyeballs in work but I find the whole thing so satisfying that I hate to miss it. I feel like I would be letting down the cheerful volunteers, Sarah and Beth now that I have made this commitment to be a regular blood donor. Maybe in July I will have something new to share with Nicky.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
It's light in the morning when I wake up and there are birds singing and bees buzzing. The cycle is continuing as I knew it would despite the news filled with voices of strife and dissent. The grass is growing like crazy, you couldn't begin to stop it, so why try. Get out and go for a walk and breathe in the air, filled with pollen and hope.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The speaker points out that we don't really have
much of a grasp of things, not only the big things,
the important questions, but the small everyday
things. "How many steps up to your back yard? What
is the name of your district representative? What
did you have for breakfast? What is your wife's
shoe size? Can you tell me the color of your
sweetheart's eyes? Do you remember where you
parked the car?" The evidence is overwhelming.
Most of us never truly experience life. "We drift
through life in daydream, missing the true
richness and joy that life has to offer." When the
speaker has finished we gather around to sing
a few inspirational songs. You and I stand at the
back of the group and hum along since we have
forgotten most of the words.